


An Unexpected Friend (Sort Of)

by star_named_andy



Series: Paws-itivity [1]
Category: The Hobbit (1977), The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Barduil - Freeform, M/M, cat!Bard, kitty shenanigans, spoiled!Legolas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-04-01 14:56:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4024132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/star_named_andy/pseuds/star_named_andy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thranduil has never been able to say no to Legolas, so when the two come to stand before a pet shop, the two end up leaving with an unexpected (yet also expected) friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Unexpected Friend (Sort Of)

**Author's Note:**

> I had the bright idea of writing a cat!Bard fic, so here it is! It is currently not rated, but I predict the ratings will go up as the story progresses due to language and other content. More will be revealed in the next chapter to come and I hope you all enjoy reading!~ :D (And don't worry, this will not turn into a bestiality situation. It'll make more sense once the next chapter is released!)  
> (Disclaimer: I do not own the Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, or any of its characters or content.)

No matter how much a parent may love their child, raising one could easily be a pain at times. To be fair, Thranduil knew most of the annoyances that arose when dealing with Legolas were his fault.

He’d spoiled the boy before he was even born, rubbing his wife’s stomach, kissing it, speaking to it, massaging it, putting headphones on it so their child to be could listen to the music of the greats. He designed a grand nursery filled with every baby-oriented thing possible from the decorations to the caretaking contraptions, the toys, and the clothes in the closet.

After he was born, it became far worse. Thranduil coddled Legolas constantly and was never not holding him if he was available. He sang to him and told him nonsensical things that an infant would never understand, but he would ramble on to him nonetheless, telling him stories and things about his day. Thranduil followed him with a camera constantly, sure to document every development Legolas experienced from his first night sleeping at home to his first solid food, his first word, his first crawling, walking, and so much more. As Legolas grew older and he began asking for things, Thranduil never ever denied him, even if it was a ridiculous request. Needless to say, yes, there was a pony at Legolas’ fifth birthday party, lots of odd toys and trinkets were given, and many adventures were had. In Thranduil’s eyes, Legolas was perfection in human form and deserved everything his heart desired.

Thranduil’s wife adored him just as much, but she was the sterner of the two parents when it came to rules and punishments. Legolas was still a growing child, after all, and needed to be taught certain lessons. Thranduil could never find it in his heart to be too harsh with Legolas, but when his wife met an untimely death, Thranduil had to step up to the plate. He had to be a comfort for his son while also acting as a disciplinary figure when he had to be and spoiled him in between everything else.

Though his wife’s passing broke him, he was thankful to have such a precious son who he could devote all of his time to. They were close, very close, in fact. However, Thranduil felt their attachment waver as Legolas transitioned into his young adult years. He dotted on him, gave him endless gifts, and showered him with love to keep him as close as possible, though Legolas assured him that they would never drift apart and that he didn’t need to do all of those lavish things. Thranduil continued his usual way anyway, which brought them to where they stood today.

“Just to look! Come on, looking at cute animals is fun! Please, dad?” the young blonde pleaded over and over again.

Legolas was now eighteen and his eyes grew wide, sparking with pure wonder and excitement when Thranduil finally gave in and gestured for his son to enter the pet shop.

Thranduil never said no to Legolas getting a pet when he wanted one against his own opinion, no matter what it was. They’d had a wild slew of animal residents living with them over the years: fish, birds, lizards, turtles, rabbits, mice, snakes, cats, and dogs. It all began when Legolas was seven and Thranduil was always the one to actually care for the pets, since Legolas was very young. He eventually got the idea of hiring a pet sitter, but they were still a bother. He had to pay for their food, their living areas, toys, vet bills, and their sitters. Thranduil hated nearly every single one of them, no matter how cute. They were nuisances…but oh, how they made Legolas happy. He did watch after his beloved pets as he aged when he had the time, but he hardly ever did have the time with all of the afterschool activities he committed himself to.

Legolas was presently in college, living at home and commuting to his nearby university. Thranduil was glad his son was staying at home a while longer and that his school was so close by, but he just _knew_ they wouldn’t be leaving without an animal because of that very reason. He could hear it now: “But dad, I _do_ live at home, so I could take care of it all the time! And you’d watch it just while I was at class, right? _Please?_ ”. He sighed just thinking about it. What would it be this time?

Thranduil could already smell the signature “pet” smell consisting of woodchips and animal hair as they entered. God, how he _loathed the hair_. He and Legolas had enough strays floating around the house as it was that he was constantly vacuuming and picking off furniture and clothes. It drove him absolutely batty to the point where he almost chopped all of his hair off…almost.

“If you’re going to look at anything, preferably look at the things that we can keep in a cage that won’t smell too terrible.” Thranduil spoke, but he was pretty sure he was ignored as his son gave a gasp, skirted across the floor, and pressed himself against the glass that separated him from the cats and dogs. A light laugh rang behind the counter and an older, friendly looking man with grey, wavy hair and spectacles resting low on his nose shuffled out. He wore an apron with paw prints on it and a kind smile that formed wrinkled around his eyes and said “BUY SOMETHING”. Or at least, that’s how Thranduil perceived it. His nametag read: “GANDALF”.

“Good afternoon, sir. Are you two gentlemen looking for any particular sort of companion today?” he asked as he clasped his hands together. Thranduil’s gaze drifted over to his son who was ogling at the animals through the glass, “oo”ing and “aww”ing as he looked at different ones.

“Whatever he wants.” Thranduil answered, trying to sound as pleasant as possible. It wasn’t this man’s fault he was such a push over when it came to his son. The shop clerk nodded and together, they approached Legolas.

“Would you like to take a closer look?” Gandalf asked and Legolas turned to grin at him.

“Oh, yes please!”

“Radagast, come watch the front for a moment!” Gandalf called and Thranduil raised a brow as a scruffy looking man came hurriedly from the back room with white goop stuck in his hair…oh my.

“Eh, I, uh, would, Gandalf, but I’m having a bit of a mess with the birds!” the man answered and Gandalf chuckled at the sight.

“Oh, no! What happened?” Legolas questioned curiously, but the peculiar man as gone.

“Radagast is my coworker. He’s a veterinarian more than he is a clerk, and so he tends to the animals if they ever fall ill or come in as such or with injuries.”

“Do the animals here tend to ‘fall ill’ and have injuries?” Thranduil asked, a little wary now that such a subject was raised. Gandalf shrugged, but smiled.

“Do not fear, sir. We are a legitimate business and do not put any sick animals up for adoption. Here, we take in many strays and abandoned animals and try to find them forever homes, but only after they’re healed if they have any ailments, of course.”

“So these animals are all rescues?” Legolas inquired.

“In one way or another, yes and all of the animals on display are in top condition. All they need now is some love and a home. Come, I’ll let you meet our friends here.”

With a key from a pocket in his apron, Gandalf unlocked the door to the room and let Legolas and Thranduil to enter before him.

“Should you be leaving the front unattended?” Thranduil asked dryly.

“I have my eyes on the door. Not to worry, sir.” Gandalf assured him with a point of his finger and his wink.

Thranduil wasn’t so sure about this place or its employees, but he followed Gandalf and Legolas down the row of cages anyway, and with little interest. He did look over the animals and recognized a few of them as cute, some more than others, but he wasn’t drawn to any specific one and the decision would ultimately be Legolas’ anyway. As they went on, Gandalf rambled on about the cat or dog Legolas would point to and inquire about, but time and time again, Legolas moved on down the line until there were no more new, yipping animals to be seen.

“What’s the matter?” Thranduil asked, seeing his son’s disappointed frown.

“I don’t know. They’re all cute and sweet, but…I don’t know. Nothing _feels_ quite right.”

“Would you like to try having some playtime with any of them in a private room to get better acquainted?” Gandalf proposed and Thranduil couldn’t help but internally want to kick the man for suggesting it; if Legolas didn’t want any of them, good. He would be a little put out about it, but he would get over it once Thranduil got him something else he wanted and he’d be cheerful again.

“Mm, no. I guess not.” Legolas sighed and Thranduil rubbed his back to offer some comfort.

“That’s alright. We don’t have to get one today.” He said, but Gandalf had a thinking expression on. He must have another trick up his sleeve. He would probably try to sway Legolas toward a different type of pet.

“Is your heart set on a cat or dog, or are you open to other options?” Gandalf asked. Yep. Thranduil was right, but luckily, Legolas shook his head.

“I was really hoping for a cat or dog, really. I’d love to have a little four legged buddy to come home to. You know, just someone to cuddle with and take outdoors, other than dad. He’s just a grumpy old cat.” He teased with a nudge into Thranduil’s side, earning a sour look from his father. Gandalf and Legolas both laughed at his expense and Thranduil did smile a little, knowing he truly was very cat like and he could be rather grumpy; not to Legolas, no, but his son had seen him dish out attitude to plenty of others. He wouldn’t deny being a grumpy cat, but being old, he wouldn’t admit to.

“A grumpy old cat, hm?” Gandalf mused as his eyes scanned over the tall man and Thranduil could just see a bulb lighting above his head as his smile indicated he had an idea. “I have just the thing for you two, if you’ll just follow me.”

Legolas stepped after the man eagerly. There was still hope for him bringing home a new companion to love today. Thranduil would rather buy him something else, but if whatever this Gandalf man was going to show them was what Legolas wanted, then he would have it. Legolas’ happiness was priceless.

Thranduil stood in the doorway as the elder man led them to a tiny room marked “OFFICE”. He found it rather odd that the clerk would lead them there and wanted to peek inside, but the door wasn’t opened. Gandalf turned to the pair and gave another pleasant smile. He was just full of those, wasn’t he? Tricky old man.

“Just a moment. Let me check in and see if he’s moping; he tends to be less amiable and less willing to meet people when he mopes.” And with that, he slipped behind the door alone.

“Are cats capable of moping?” Thranduil spoke up with high contempt in his voice and Legolas’ innocent eyes flashed to him.

“Animals can go through things and have feelings just like people. You’re the one who wanted to be a vet before going into business. Don’t you think there’s more to them than just fur and bones?”

“Of course I do.” Thranduil said calmly, setting his hand on Legolas’ head and running his hand along his smooth hair. It was true, yes. Thranduil had wanted to be a veterinarian in his younger days, a wildlife veterinarian, but when his family started growing, he felt the need to settle and have a more stable and dependable job. It was the easy route that would bring in a lot of money and supporting Legolas and his then wife was more important than following any dreams. Family was the biggest dream he ever had. And besides, he had what it took to be a business man. He could turn on his inherent charm like a light switch and lure people into a deal; that wasn’t so difficult, given he was an incredibly attractive man. If charm didn’t work, he could effortlessly put up a cold, intimidating façade. It wasn’t the career he would have chosen, but he wouldn’t complain. His life was good, considering all he and Legolas had endured.

When his son smiled at him, he realized just how soft he was for the young man. He had to smile back. He was lucky Legolas wasn’t vile and manipulative, because with his father wrapped around his finger, he could have everything in the world if he wanted it, but no. Legolas was sweet and kind. Thranduil hoped that those core traits of his would remain constant and untouched by the harshness the world could hold.

The man’s thoughts were broken as the office door opened and Gandalf appeared, waving them inside.

“He’s ready for visitors.” He said and Legolas entered first with Thranduil behind him.

It was a small office for sure with a tiny refrigerator, a cluttered desk, and a couch. As Thranduil’s gaze searched around the room, he spotted what he thought to be the clerk’s reason for bringing them there sitting on the window sill: a Burmese cat of decent, adult size with a sable coat and yellow eyes that were stuck on those who disturbed its solitude. It stared at them most intently, especially the two foreign blondes.

“I thought you said all healthy pets were on display? This is not a display.” Thranduil said, returning to his reserved and wary demeanor. Gandalf nodded.

“Yes, you’re right, I did say that. That’s because this particular animal did not go on sale until just now, I decided. This strapping young fellow is very special and could not just be sold off to just anyone. I waited and waited for the right people to come and take interest, but they never came until today.” Gandalf explained, turning the glint in his eye over to Legolas who grinned.

“You mean us? You think we’re the right people?” he asked.

“I do, indeed, dear boy!”

“And why is he so special? Is he a purebred? He certainly does not look like one.” Thranduil inquired a little agitatedly; the situation seemed sketchy and he wasn’t so quick to fall for sweet words like Legolas was. The old man was probably tired of having the cat around and wanted to ship him off. Perhaps it had an undesirable quirk, a deformity – there had to be some reason no one wanted the thing and a reason Gandalf didn’t sell the cat to “ _just anyone_ ”. Maybe the cat had medical problems and the clerk figured Thranduil looked wealthy enough to take proper care of him. The eldest blonde found such a notion thoughtful on Gandalf’s part, but he wanted to know what the catch was.

“No, no, nothing like that. His price is standard, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

“It’s not.”

“Well, my good man, this cat is special because he has been through quite a few rough patches in his time and he needs a family who will cherish him devotedly. I was going to keep him for myself, but my home really is no place for him. I know that you two would do a much finer job of caring for him properly and giving him the attention he needs.”

The cat suddenly sprang from the window sill and went running right to Legolas’ feet. He spared no hesitation and jumped up, his front paws balancing on his legs. The cat tilted its head from side to side, ears forward and his wide eyes blinking up at Legolas, who was absolutely fawning over the movements. The cat bumped its head into his legs and then curled himself around them, nuzzling them as he circled Legolas and he purred lowly.

“Oh, dad, we must!” Legolas said in a dreamy whisper and knelt to the floor, welcoming the cat to come to him with open arms. The animal leapt right into his lap and purred in Legolas’ face. He rubbed his furry cheek on Legolas’ jaw and the blonde was a melted puddle. “You’re such a sweet boy, aren’t you? So handsome.” At this the cat meowed and started kneading his paws into Legolas’ shoulder. He and Gandalf both shared a laugh, but Thranduil stayed quiet as he observed the exchanges.

“That means he’s really happy.” Gandalf commented and Legolas looked up at his father with a sparkling gaze. Just as he did so, the cat abandoned him, went to the taller man, and began pawing at his feet.

“Sucking up to me too, hm?” Thranduil said and the cat looked up at him with his round, yellow eyes.

He was truly a beautiful cat; a little scruffy, maybe, but nothing a haircut couldn’t fix. The cat nudged his leg with his head and Thranduil gave a light sigh, lowering himself to the floor and running his hand along the cat’s back. He arched into the man’s touch with his tail erect. He seemed to be a genuinely energetic cat and that was even more evident as he tried climbing up Thranduil’s chest. The blonde, though a little surprised, simply booped the cat’s nose, which seemed to stun him into immobility. He stared at Thranduil, who wagged his finger.

“No, kitty. Climbing on nice clothes is bad.” He scolded gently.

He jolted as the cat swiped its paw up and knocked his nose. It clearly entertained Legolas and Gandalf plenty by the chuckle they shared. Thranduil wrapped his hands around the cat to remove him, but paused as he felt a strange texture beneath his fingertips.

“What’s this?” he asked as he moved his hands and looked closer. Legolas, having curiosity, came closer to look for himself and his expression turned sorrowful. Thranduil was more concerned that the old man was trying to pull some kind of rouse than he was sad for the cat. “Why does he have scars?”

“Oh, poor thing!” Legolas said and took the cat. He pet his head and scratched him behind the ears. “Is he alright?”

“The scars are fully healed. Unfortunately, his previous owners were nasty, abusive folk. The man, the “Master” so he called himself, and his little accomplice are doing jail time now. They orchestrated animal fights for profit and poor Bard here was one of the few who got dragged into their scheming. Luckily, he survived with only a few scars to speak of. However, his mentality is still healing from the trauma.”

“How horrible!” Legolas exclaimed and hugged the cat close.

“Bard?” Thranduil questioned and the cat’s head perked up.

“Yes, that is his name.” Gandalf answered.

“It’s a lovely name.” Legolas said kindly to the cat, coddling it even more so now that he knew its tragic history. The truth of the story was debatable, in Thranduil’s mind.

Thranduil stood and figured trying to brush the hair away would be a futile effort. He’d have to make a trip to the dry cleaner’s to have his dress shirt and blazer properly cleaned. He had a feeling he’d be doing that a lot more by the look on Legolas’ face.

“He’s very playful with you two, I see. You truly are special, then! You’re the first he’s been like this with in a while.” The elder clerk said.

Legolas didn’t have to say anything for his father to get the message. Everything about the way he looked at him screamed “Dad, we _have_ to!”. Thranduil nodded.

“Alright. Let’s get all of the paperwork settled, then.”

Legolas squealed happily and kissed the back of Bard’s neck.

“You hear that, Bard? You’re coming home with us!”

Gandalf gathered the necessary papers and items they would need to purchase for Bard and brought them to the front desk to follow through with the sale. As Thranduil flipped through the packets and signed his name and initials here and there, Legolas suited Bard with a collar and harness he’d picked out. Bard seemed to like the blue things the most, swiping at them with his paw, so that was what Legolas had picked. The collar even had a cute bow and bell attached.

Thranduil was not going to bring out his wallet until he thoroughly read each word of each paper and cleared up any discrepancies, and there was only one.

“What is this clause, here? It says he cannot be neutered. That’s not usual.” Thranduil said as he traced the tip of the pen over the odd words printed on the page. His eyes flickered up to Gandalf with skepticism filling his gaze.

“Ah, yes! That is a very important clause.”

“I can tell, since it’s bolded _and_ underlined. I don’t want him tearing things up in the house and acting out in heat. I would like to have him neutered.”

His attention was diverted to his son who made a sudden jerking movement to catch the now fussing cat and keep him from jumping from his arms. He looked back to the clerk as the older man leaned across the counter and waved Thranduil in with a boney finger. Thranduil peered to the side.

“Legolas, why don’t you take the cat outside and let him have some fresh air.”

“Alright.” Legolas said easily and set Bard on the floor, holding the end of the leash in his hand. He waved to Gandalf and he waved back as Legolas went out onto the sidewalk with his new pet.

Thranduil watched Legolas for a moment, seeing his mouth moving a mile a minute and the cat had its eyes pinned to him, listening intently. The corners of his mouth twitched to smile, but no. Business first. He looked back at Gandalf, who was certainly hiding some secret. It was evident now by the gesture he’d made a moment ago. He wanted to speak with Thranduil alone.

“I am not a man who favors hassle and being fooled. What is the reasoning behind this clause?” Thranduil said firmly. The old man smiled at him yet again. It was getting quite irritating.

“I see you’re a man who doesn’t mess around and I admire that greatly. I do not lie to my customers; I only tell them truths, and I do like you and your son quite a lot. I will tell you the truth, once you ask me the right questions.”

Thranduil’s brows and lips flattened.

“And what would those be?”

“Trust me, sir, you will find out soon. You must have faith in me, go home with Bard, and see for yourself why the clause is necessary. Once you do, I welcome you to come back with any questions you may have, but for now, I cannot explain this clause to you. I think Bard may answer most of the questions for you himself.”

“Alright.” Thranduil said with his voice rising in frustration. He was clearly being toyed with. “Cut the bullshit and explain the damn clause or I’m not paying and you can keep the cat.”

Gandalf’s eye’s averted to the blonde boy happily playing outside and Thranduil noticed it. When he looked back at Thranduil, his eyebrows were raised.

“Are you so sure?” he questioned. The sly salesman was using Legolas as leverage. He wanted to make a snarky comeback, but he held his tongue. It would be unfair to leave without the cat after Legolas had already become so attached.

After a heavy, loud sigh (which was intended to express his severe displeasure) Thranduil put the last signature on the forms, slid them over to the clerk and paid the man. He was given a copy of the forms, the adoption certificate, and all of the other items he bought for the cat in bags. He gave a short “thank you” before turning to leave.

“See you again soon.” Gandalf said with his trademark smile. Thranduil didn’t like the fact that he knew he _would_ be seeing the man again, and for what exact reason, he didn’t know yet.


End file.
